For most of my life, I've been fighting against things that make me happy...

I don't know why. Maybe some part of me thinks I'm not deserving for whatever reason. I don't dress the way I'd really like to, I don't live where I want to, I don't learn the things I want to. You know, those things that, the moment you look at them, make your soul sing. The things that are authentically me.

One of my favorite books is 'Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self' by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Quite honestly, I love all of her books. In her pages I find hope that I can embrace my authentic self, that I can live the life I'm meant to live. Someday. So why not now?

I know, I know, I've chosen to live my current life. I make choices every day that keep me where I am and I have the ability to make choices that will take me somewhere else. So why do I fight my authentic self? Why do I ignore that part of me that lights up when I see a particular place, or watch a movie where the characters take part in an activity I want to learn, or try on that dress, only to put it back on the rack?

Okay, yes, some of it has to do with income. Alright, most of it has to do with income. That's what I tell myself anyway. But honestly, I don't think money has anything to do with it. I think it's fear. And that pisses me off. I'm far too advanced in my life to let fear hold me back. I've learned over the years that you never know if you can do something until you try, and not being successful at what you do is NOT the same thing as failure. Failure is never taking that first step, never changing your habits, never venturing out into the unknown. Failure is not having faith in yourself.

So, today, January 29, 2016, I'm kicking fear out of my life. Today starts a whole new way of thinking, to sync my mind with my soul, to clear the path of uncertainty, and to fan that spark into a bonfire. I can do anything I want in my life and I'm intelligent enough to find a way to do it! Will I have setbacks? Most definitely. Will doubts creep in and take up residence? Only if I let them. I am my own biggest obstacle. Well, no more!!

Today is the day I take my life back!

I've decided to start a new venture...

Don't worry. Writing is still at the top of my list. But while I'm in recovery mode, I need to do something non-strenuous to supplement my income. One of the by-products of writing for many authors is making promos and teasers. The problem is finding the time in between writing, editing, working a job - full or part-time -, taking care of the family, and, oh yeah, breathing. So, in order to fill what-I-hope-is-a need, I've decided to offer my services in the promo design business.

I enjoy creating promos and teasers. It's fun to add different elements together and see what comes up. It's like writing with pictures. Each time I make one for myself, I get a bit more daring, playing around with fonts and colors and shades and graphics. (I'm addicted to fonts!!)

So, if anyone out there in blogger land is in need of a promo, Facebook banner, whatever, drop me a line. I've set up a dedicated email address for just that purpose. And you don't have to be an author, either. I welcome the opportunity to design whatever you need. Oh, right, the email address - it's kristineraymond.promos@gmail.com. Or you can check out my website for pricing and such. And who knows? Maybe I'll end up liking designing more than I like writing.

Nah!!!

I hate down days...

Oh, I understand they're a part of life. Not every day can be a feeling great, icing on the cake, ponies and rainbows kind of day. I get that. The thing that scares me about down days is... well... me. It doesn't take much for me to slip into a dark mood, one where I'm feeling sorry for myself, for anything and everything that's ever gone wrong in my life. Strep throat in third grade? Add it to the list.

I don't like myself when I'm in my dark place, and I can guarantee no one else does, either. Even my furbabies know to steer clear on days like these. A joy to be around, I am not. Here's the thing I've learned, though...

My usual way of dealing with such days was to push through them. Force myself to be active, be productive, be social, when all I really want to do is stay in bed and grump. However, it's taken me many, many years to learn this doesn't work for me. The harder I push to make myself sunshiny, the longer I linger in the dark. Because I can't be productive, creative, or even civil when my mind, body, and soul are hurting. I end up having two or three miserable days because each non-accomplishment fuels my feelings of despair and failure.

So I'm trying something new. Instead of pushing against my emotions on days like these, I'm embracing them. Accepting that I feel badly for whatever reason. Realizing that a down day is not the end of the world; it's a pause on life. And we all need to pause sometimes, as long as we keep in mind that pause is not the same as stop. Didn't finish that to-do list? It'll be there tomorrow. I promise.

My newfound realization doesn't make me like down days any more than I used to. For me, lazy days are only fun when you plan to be lazy, not when some inner mechanism outside of your control forces you to be. But maybe by letting the bad flow through me the same way good does, I'll have a more balanced life.

Maybe...