I've been down on myself lately...
I had huge plans going into 2015. I had a book release timetable on the calendar, events scheduled, and a really great attitude toward this new adventure I'd started. By March, my plans began to slowly unravel. I blamed it on lack of motivation, writer's block, being in a funk. I attempted to barrel my way through, only to become increasing frustrated when I failed to meet my goals. One month slipped into another, into another, and into another, and my lack of progress became depressing. I felt like I was losing all of the ground I had worked so hard the previous year to gain. I felt like I was letting my readers down by not publishing books I had promised. I felt like I was letting my husband down for not following through on yet another new project I'd undertaken. Most importantly, I felt I was letting myself down. After all, I wanted this, didn't I? I love to write. So why wasn't I writing?
I'm having surgery next week on my back. It's for a condition I've had since childhood, one which picked this time in my life to begin causing me problems. I have a fairly high tolerance for pain but this brought me to my knees - often literally. All of the time I spent making excuses to myself for not writing, I never once attributed it to pain. I've always been a push-through-it kind of gal and this time there was no push left. Some days I couldn't even get out of bed.
Now I know there are people out there who deal with much more than I have, and they soldier on. They have my complete admiration. Truly. I don't know how they do it. I guess you just keep going because the alternative ain't that great.
My point to all of this is, I think it's time to let myself off the hook. I can't get back the past eight months. I can't wave a magic wand and suddenly have four completed manuscripts in front of me. (Wouldn't THAT be nice, though?) I can't reschedule all of the events I've missed. All I can do is look forward. The stories are there inside of me. I can only hope that my readers are still looking forward to them. I'll make the same promises I did last year, only this time keep them. Or better yet, not make promises at all. Just take one day at a time, to coin a phrase. Breathe deeply, concentrate, feel the creative juices begin to stir. Not be so hard on myself. And if I have to start from the beginning, I will. I did it once. I can do it again.
Look out, 2016. Here I come!!