Friday, January 29, 2016

For most of my life, I've been fighting against things that make me happy...

I don't know why. Maybe some part of me thinks I'm not deserving for whatever reason. I don't dress the way I'd really like to, I don't live where I want to, I don't learn the things I want to. You know, those things that, the moment you look at them, make your soul sing. The things that are authentically me.

One of my favorite books is 'Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self' by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Quite honestly, I love all of her books. In her pages I find hope that I can embrace my authentic self, that I can live the life I'm meant to live. Someday. So why not now?

I know, I know, I've chosen to live my current life. I make choices every day that keep me where I am and I have the ability to make choices that will take me somewhere else. So why do I fight my authentic self? Why do I ignore that part of me that lights up when I see a particular place, or watch a movie where the characters take part in an activity I want to learn, or try on that dress, only to put it back on the rack?

Okay, yes, some of it has to do with income. Alright, most of it has to do with income. That's what I tell myself anyway. But honestly, I don't think money has anything to do with it. I think it's fear. And that pisses me off. I'm far too advanced in my life to let fear hold me back. I've learned over the years that you never know if you can do something until you try, and not being successful at what you do is NOT the same thing as failure. Failure is never taking that first step, never changing your habits, never venturing out into the unknown. Failure is not having faith in yourself.

So, today, January 29, 2016, I'm kicking fear out of my life. Today starts a whole new way of thinking, to sync my mind with my soul, to clear the path of uncertainty, and to fan that spark into a bonfire. I can do anything I want in my life and I'm intelligent enough to find a way to do it! Will I have setbacks? Most definitely. Will doubts creep in and take up residence? Only if I let them. I am my own biggest obstacle. Well, no more!!

Today is the day I take my life back!

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